I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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