woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
