It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
