his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
