On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
