time to smoke my breakfast
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
