Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
