i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
