he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
