can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
