Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want her autograph on my taint
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
