yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
