i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
