i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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