no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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