Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
