if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
the day after is always just damage control
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
