I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
