she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
