that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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