Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
