the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
