dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
