he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
