do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
