She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
