i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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