I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
