Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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