Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
