id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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