Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
