I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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