Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
