Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Houston, we have a squirter
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
