hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
