Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
