I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
