Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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