I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
