how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
