I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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