I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
