i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
