Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
