Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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