we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
