Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
