if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
