I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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